No one really prepares you for post graduate life.
The anxiety, overthinking and constant worry of the future.
Well, no one fully prepared me.
When I took my gap year in 2018 to work in the industry, it didn't feel as stressful because I knew I would only be able to work as an intern, or work as "the least amongst them" since the goal was to learn and rise - there was little expected of me as a beginner which was much much easier.
This time around, I have a lot more knowledge and have developed my skills and much more would be expected of me. This registered in my mind as "stress" because the question "what if I am not good enough" kept coming back to me. I was on a different level of imposter syndrome, especially considering I wasn't even in any kind of position yet.
My job search experience was interesting. I prayed and meditated a lot during the time, which has become a big part of my daily routine and for that I am very grateful.
I knew that I desired growth despite the constant urge to shrink back, so I decided to look for jobs that would demand something different from me - jobs where my skills would be useful but I would learn very new things.
This desire pushed me to apply for job titles like editors assistant, stylist, design assistant, designer, etc. with not just fashion/clothing companies but with publications, jewelry design houses, interior and home designers, etc.
I slowly began to feel at ease, like I was stepping into my purpose.
I allowed myself to enjoy books to nourish my mind, meditate and pray for my spirit and journal to express my creative thought instead of worrying about what tomorrow would bring. My aim was and still is growth.
As the beginning of my 27th year approached, I began writing down what I wanted in that year. I made a list and prayed over it. Then I decided to make decisions that would move me towards those things listed, and that included going off instagram and twitter for sometime. My first thought when that came to mind was, 'but I am a creative, social media is my gateway to success, it's literally my portfolio'. Then I realized I had been putting my value and my energy into the approval of others instead of stepping into my purpose and living in purpose. I also realized I had put God in a box; that He could only bless me through these platforms, that my brand could ONLY thrive through social media; ONLY through that, and in today's age, nothing else - LOL - crazy.
Everyone's journey is different, but to truly believe this statement I know now that you need to believe that there's a unique journey for you, learn more about who you are and what God has called you to. I am learning so many ways to express myself creatively for my own personal growth - emphasis on "for my own personal growth" I share this not to say log off socials and shut yourself away from the world. I share this for my own growth. I am allowing myself to do things that I truly desire and feel right for me and this feels exactly like that; allowing myself to be true to myself and others.
So this is the first of hopefully many more journal-like moments.
I wish you all nothing but love, peace and fulfillment in whatever you find yourself doing or being today.
Sending so much love,